By Ganiu Adam
Bismilahi Ramoni Rohim
بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
*To be addressed as MARRIED WOMAN is not a tittle every unmarried woman can WALK OR BOUNCE TO SUPERMARKET to purchase or pick one for herself.. Sincerely speaking Yes.. A man have to declare interest on a woman first, then follow shareeya/legal ways to get her married to himself.*
*It is very unfortunate that we (majority of women) have allowed shaytan to take away OUR EEMAAN/FAITH COMPLETELY to an extent that THERE IS NOTHING LEFT (faith) for us to be used inorder to please Allah SWT and enter paradise.*
*Are we (married women) saying that any widow, devorcee & single Muslimah yet to marry SHOULD GO AND HUG A TRANSFORMER for u don't care? Habba......*
*I personally,,, sometimes feel like asking Allah SWT not to bless me with a female daughters again,, just bcos of the fear of how they will get husband to marry them,, if things continue this way in the next 10-15years to come.*
*We (married women) need to change our attitudes towards certain issues.*
*Chapter 87,, suratul Al-A'laa - verse 16 and 17:--*
بل توثرون الحياة الدنيا
*TRANSLATION*
*U prefer the worldly life.*
والآخرة خيروابقي
*TRANSLATION*
*While the hearafter is better and more enduring.*
*Apart from the verses above,,, there are various verses in various chapters of the glorious Qur'an where Allah SWA is describing the life of this world ((Duniya)), as very brief and short.*
*My fellow women... If I remember vividly,, prophet Muhammad SAW said and I quote " "*
كن في دنيا غرب
*Meaning :- Live in this world like a visitor.*
*My fellow women... Prophet Muhammad SAW said and I quote:*
لا يومن احدكم حتى يحب لأخيه مايحب لنفسه
*Meaning :-- U are not a true believer, except u wish for others what u wish for Urself.*
*For us (women) to prepare our mind,, we should know that our husbands are NOT Allah SWT. Neither are they Angels or prophets*
*UR FEAR IS JUSTICE RIGHT?*
*This is where majority of women get it wrong... Yes... The truth is always very bitter.*
*Qur'an chapter 4, suratul Nisai - verse 129:--*
ولن تستطيعواان تعدلوا بين النساء ولوحرصتم فلا تميلواكل الميل فتذروها كالمعلقت وان تصلحواوتتقوا فانالله كان غفرارحيما.
*TRANSLATION*
*U will NEVER be able to give equal love//feelings among wives EVEN IF U STRIVE to do so... So do not incline completely towards one, and the other one hanging. And if u ((men)) amend ur affairs and fear Allah - then, Allah is ever forgiving and merciful.*
*My fellow women... Create time to check the Tafseer of the verse above. Or ask questions Incase u are not convince.*
*PLEASE TAKE NOTE:*
*The justice in this verse does not include love//feelings.. It only include ::--feeling, shelter, dresses, children, Number of days etc etc etc.*
*It is never possible for 2 different women to behave the same way. Even if they are identical twins.. We can not rule out the factor called INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCE.*
*Allah SWA knows that no man can ever love or have the same feelings among his wives. And am very sure 100% that no man on earth is up to the prophet Muhammad SAW interms of everything.*
*Did we still remember the story of prophet Muhammad SAW last sickness from which he died?.... He (prophet),, even in sickness,, He used to alternate days amongst his wives.. According to the hadeeth,, the prophet Muhammad used to ask:- "" whose room am I sleeping tomorrow? He ONLY SMILED when they told Him that he going to sleep in Nana Aisha's room .. It got to a point where the prophet Muhammad SAW asked the remaining wives to leave Him permanently to be sleeping in Nana Aisha's room.. And that was where He died.*
*Prophet Muhammad SAW was asked::-- " Among ur wives//women, who did u love most? He replied - Nana Aisha... He was asked again, Among all men, who did u love most? He replied - Nana Aisha's father ((Abubakar sadeeq))."*
*SAUDAT ((RA))... Is one of the prophet Muhammad's wife. Prophet married her b4 Nana Aisha.*
*My fellow women... I think I still remember a verse revealed in the glorious Qur'an about SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW.*
*Suratul Nisai - verse 128 :--*
وان امرات خافت من بعلها نشوااوعراضا فلا خناح عليهماان يصلحا بينهماصلحا والصلح خير واحضرت الاا نفس الشح وان تحسنوا وتتقوا فان الله كان بما تعملون خبيرا
*TRANSLATION*
*And if a woman fears from her husband, contempt or evasion,, there is no SIN upon them if they make terms of settlement between themselves - and settlement is BEST. And present in human souls is stinginess. But if u do good and fear Allah - then, indeed Allah is ever, what u do, acquainted.*
*My fellow women,, the verse above was PURPOSELY REVEALED bcos Saudat (RA)... After the marriage of Nana Aisha,,, SAUDAT noticed a lot of changes interms of love and feelings prophet Muhammad SAW have for her when compared to that of Nana Aisha. SAUDAT was afraid of loosing prophet Muhammad SAW. She taught prophet Muhammad SAW will end up divorcing her. She now quickly called on the prophet Muhammad SAW not to divorce her but SAUDAT SURRENDER the days meant for her for prophet Muhammad SAW to be sleeping in Nana Aisha's room. Then Allah revealed the above. Atleast, to approve the terms of settlement between SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW. Allah SWA knows that, it is NEVER POSSIBLE for prophet Muhammad SAW to love or feel for SAUDAT and Nana Aisha equally 50-50.*
*Ya Salaam. If it where u, how would u handle this situation??? Are u better than SAUDAT ??? Or is ur husband better than prophet Muhammad SAW???*
*Are these not enough signals to the point am giving about the translation of the above verse???*
*A TOUCHING STORY::-- This happened to my twin sister Few years back.. Her first husband {may his soul rest in peace} whom she got 3 kids with, once told her that,, "" he wants to help a poor widow with 2 kids by marrying her as a second wife"". She changed completely since that day with him. When he noticed that he could not longer see her face again. He called her and said that he has dropped//cancelled the second wife issue... And since that day,, my twin sister changed back to who she was (caring & loving wife).*
*As Allah SWA will show her small lesson in life,,, Exactly 2 weeks after,, the husband came back in the evening complaining of slight headache. My twin sister told him to lay down. It could be a stress. B4 two hours, she went to c how he was feling. The shocking news I could never forget in a hurry was that,,, He was already dead. Leaving me (26years old) with 3 kids.*
*Few months after, our landlord ejected my twin sister from his house just bcos they could not afford to pay for rent. They moved into one of our brother's house... The trouble of our brother's wife became so unbearable that, she decided to re-marry again... Apart from that, she is still 26. She need a man in her life. But who will marry me??? She narrated . A man who is not yet marry??? This is not 90% possible.*
*Every men who came to seek for her hand in marriage used to be prevented by their wife at home.*
*To cut the long story Short, another married man came again. She terribly uncontrollably fell in love with him. But his wife at home became another obstacle. She cried day and night. She fasted during the day and pray at mid-night crying to Allah to change the mind of that woman.*
*Few weeks later, the man came and told her that, his wife asked him to bring her . She asked him. Has she agree??? He said No. She started crying again. But finally she summoned some courage to go and c her. Reaching the house,,,That man's wife came out and huged her crying telling her that she has agreed. Not bcos she like it but bcos, she don't know what will happen to her tomorrow if she deny my twin sister.*
*She cried again regrating how she denied someone this golden opportunity.*
*WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR CONSCIENCE AS WOMEN???*
*1.. Did we not feel for widows who lost their husbands at younger ages???*
*2.. Did we think about number of girls to boys given birth to everyday???*
*3.. Did we think about death rate between male and female??? Men die more.*
*4.. Did we sometimes feel for women//ladies outside not yet married??? And how they manage their sexual huge???*
*5.. Feeding and drinking is compulsory in life. The same thing sexual intercourse. Islamically,, Interms of sexual huge,, women take Lion share. Roughly 90% while men take only 10%... And Fear of Allah can never stop this feelings when it strikes... Just like fear of Allah can never stop one from feeling hungry.*
*People's view About Mathna (second wife).*
*Mathna is an Arabic word from ithnan (second). Mathna in Islamic settings means second wife.*
*Some see being a second wife as being greedy or see her as a thief or husband snatcher. Some believe accepting to be second wife is accepting to be a slave ( of the first). Some see mathna as a threat . Some set of people believes she enjoys all and lacks nothing. Some people, even knowing or seeing any "mathna" lacks "anything", they say that is what suits her. They believe she is the cause of her trouble. WHAT HAS MATHNA DONE TO DESERVE ALL THIS?*
*Not all mathna marry because of the husbands wealth. Even if it is so, some first wife(Awwal) too marry because of wealth. The question is why is mathna issue different? Some see mathna as second citizen on the house. Some "Awwal" deceive themselves thinking they are responsible for the husband's wealth or fortune. Some even say 'I made him where he is today' ARE U GOD? Some even think they must have had all they want before the husband should even talk of mathna. WHY?*
*One thing we should all note is that if man to woman ratio is 1:1 or 2: 1,there wouldn't be any lady that will want to be mathna. YOU ASK WHY? I SAID SO, DUE TO THE FOLLOWING REASONS;*
*1, Mathna (especially living with Awwal) has no or very little chance of private life (me and my husband). I tell you if at all a man will do mathna, the Awwal would have had at least a kid except in case of barrenness. During the period of marriage,honey moon, till the day she gives birth to the first child, she had the husband all to herself. Even if husband will have mathna, he will allow her the Awwal's child to grow a old a bit let say one year before he marries another. That makes a total of two years from the day of marriage. Now to mathna she only has chance of SEVEN DAY'S HONEY MOON. After that, the husband has to share the days equally among them.*
*2, Awwal has the chance of any corner. She and her husband can have fun"anywhere" in the house. Kitchen, bedroom, sitting room, bathroom, even they can play "hide and seek" within the compound. There is room for playing everywhere, she has the husband all to her self. But, mathna must not do that so as not to oppress the first. I am talking of a lady (mathna) with religious understanding, who has manners and who is well brought up.*
*3. In the family of (three kids), Mathna joins to make 6, instead of cooking, fetching water, washing plates (for two), she does for 6. That is multiply by 3. Even if she later has her own kids, the number continues. Even if they share the chores, she will still have to do more than she would have done (for two) Whereas when the Awwal just got married she might not even cook for weeks. She would still be pampered by the husband. If the mathna is pampered that way (husband doing her chores for her, he would be seen as unjust).*
*4, mathna do not have chance to be with the husband a whole day 2/4/7. Even if the husband have the time, he will have to share the time between them. Whereas some Awwal experience that for years before the arrival of mathna.*
*5, Some Awwal sit back and relax when mathna comes in, thinking their slave has arrived. Fear Allah! You both have equal rights. The best among u is the one that fears Allah most. She would have forgotten that during her own time as newly wed, she never carry bucket to fetch water for like weeks or even a month. She and her husband do 5 & 6 in the kitchen. Even it is the husband that do wash his clothes. DO MATHNA ENJOY ALL THIS?*
*6, Some Awwal fights mathna (actively or passively, directly or indirectly) whenever they have issues with the husband thinking she is the cause instead of treating your problems seperately. Fear Allah!..All said and observed, one thing i want u to understand is that whether anyone likes it or not, it is the word and will of Allah.*
*Virtually nobody sees any thing wrong in being Awwal BUT most people see mathna as a problem.This is injustice. I am an advocate of peace and justice. It is not a must the husband is as rich as Dangote or famous as Bill Gate before he can do mathna.*
*As a first wife,, pray to Allah to give your husband a pious mathna instead of fighting, rebuking e t c. This life is transcient.*
*(oko mi ni. Oko mi ni)-- meaning,, He is my husband, if you don't allow him to have mathna, the day you die, whether u like it or not, at most a year,, he will marry another. The Life after is the major gain of a muslimah which is janah... Who knows what tomorrow holds? If u allow her now, u will have known the second mum of your children..Two good heads are better than one. NO ONE IS GOOD FOR NOTHING.We need to change our views. Both Awwal and Mathna should know that they are to serve Allah..MARRIAGE IS HALF OF DEEN.*
*Do we think that the jannat is for free? NO!.. WE HAVE TO ENDURE, PERSEVERE, BE PATIENT, PEACEFUL AND PRAYERFUL in our marriage.. STOP THE STIGMATIZATION AGAINST MATHNA. SHE IS ONLY TRYING TO PLEASE HER LORD. IF YOU ESCAPE IT, THINK OF YOUR DAUGHTERS.*
*You are asking that what of thulatha and ruba'a (3rd and 4th)?. I started with mathna because this is where the differences starts.*
*May Allah guide us to the right path. Ameen Ya Rabb.*
*I pray that may Allah SWA accept this work ((message)) from ME and U as u read & share it to others as SWADAKATU-JARRIYA (continuous charity).*
*Allah knows best*
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